Empty

"Give me a sign, give me a feeling, I'm empty" - Rebecca's Empire

So penned Rebecca Barnard. So feel I. I have felt empty for years but I have only realised it. I have been busy filling my life with meaningless products, items, acquaintances and events. It got to the point where meaningless became the only meaning in my life. Meaningless defined how I looked, how I lived, where I ate and drank - it defined everything except how to feel, because meaningless has no place for feelings and will proactively desensify the individual to prevent them from feeling.

"I feel numb" - U2

Now I here sit here, empty, alone and lost in a world that is uncaring, manipulative, self-centred. I realise now that the woman I love and have unknowingly loved for years is now in a relationship with another man because I have been too busy looking for meaningless. I realise that I am not a man but a consumer that has a warped interpretation of what a man is based on a market-driven media. I have been so self-centred that I have failed to see the pain and suffering my family and friends go through unless they have cried out for help. I see now that they are all, to some extent, experiencing the same disillusionment that I have been suffering through. And it is killing us all.

It is not all doom and gloom my nonexistent reader. The world is a beautiful place when you look outside of the human race. There is love and joy to be found and there are other people longing for someone to share the experience with. We can raise above the blandness of the everyday and find happiness, substance and meaning.


Songs played while writing this entry:
"Satisfaction" Benny Benassi
"Sunsets" Powderfinger
"On a Plain" Nirvana
"Mellowship Slinky in B Major" Red Hot Chili Peppers
"The Greeting Song" Red Hot Chili Peppers
"The First Time" U2
"Ring Ring Ring (Ha Ha Hey)" De La Soul
"Beautiful Day" U2