Direction or Dreams?

I've applied for a new job. I wasn't looking for a new job, but one found its way into my in-box at work and, after one reading of the job description, I applied for it. I'm not un-happy with my current job - in fact I enjoy it for the most part - and the new job wasn't something that I'd considered doing previously. It was a simple matter of opportunity knocking, unfortunately (for my current boss) at a bad time.

I had never read a blog before the start of this year, nor written one. Since taking an interest in the blogsphere, I have been amazed at the power of online communities and the development of online relationships (both personal and business). Reading blogs such as More Than A Living, Necessary Skills, and The Next Transformation has changed the way I think about my work and the products I work with. Blogs like Shake Well Before Use have changed the way I look at marketing. Belonging to communities such as MyBlogLog and Bumpzee has opened up a new world of friends and interactions. So it only made sense that, when a job came along in which I saw the potential of harnessing all these things that blogs have exposed me to, I should apply for it.

A new direction or just a dream? That waits to be seen.

Songs played while writing this entry:
"Missing" Everything But The Girl
"Oceans" Pearl Jam
"Nightrain" Guns N Roses
"Sweetness and Light" Itch-E & Scratch-E
"Freak Momma" Mudhoney & Sir Mix-A-Lot
"Reactivate" Bismark
"One Love" The Prodigy
"Californication" Red Hot Chili Peppers

We Could Be Heroes....but....

Picture this: It's a cold, wintry morning and you're bustling down the sidewalk of a busy city street under your umbrella on the way to work. A taxi drives past and from a building up ahead a woman emerges, screaming as a man pulls her by the hair. What do you do? Do you confront the couple and offer assistance to the woman or do you lower your umbrella and keep walking?

Unfortunately, this very incident occurred yesterday in Melbourne and the decision to help cost a man his life. The man who was attacking the woman pulled a gun and shot 3 people who came to her aid, killing one.

Psychology tells us there are 2 reactions all animals have in such situations - fight or flight. It's a split moment decision between self-preservation and combat. But what motivates this decision? Honor? Courage? Consequence? I can't say if I would or wouldn't have rushed in to help the woman as I wasn't there, and while I'd like to think I would, the reality is I probably wouldn't have. Not because I'm gutless or scared of a fight, but rather because I have heard too many horror stories where the good samaritans end up worse off for doing the right thing. We live in a litigious society where criminals can sue victims, where kids carry knifes for fun, and where anyone in the street could be carrying a gun in their jacket. We live in fear, and I am not immune...but I wish I was.

Songs played while writing this entry:
"It Doesn't Matter" The Chemical Brothers
"Think About You" Guns N Roses
"Computer Talk" Primordial Soup
"Come As You Are" Nirvana
"Hells Bells" AC/DC
"Life Support" Vitamin HMC
"Calling Earth" Yves Deruyter

"Chasing Cars" Snow Patrol

Land Ho Captain

First off, a very heartfelt thank you to those who commented on my previous post. I have replied to the comments on the post, but just wanted to say thanks again.


Ok, so I'm back! "What's been happening?" I hear the masses ask. Shitloads, so I'll apologise in advance if this turns out to be a long post.

A couple of weeks back was the Queen's Birthday long weekend here in Oz. She may be old, antiquated and the monarch of a dead concept, however you gotta love her for giving us a public holiday for no good reason. So me and a few friends tailed it down to Melbourne for 4 days of drinking, sight-seeing, drinking and eating (with a few drinks). It was just what I needed to pick up my spirits. There is nothing like getting away from the every-day, venturing into an alien environment to shake things up and reinvigorate the soul. One of my friends made mention that she hated feeling like a tourist, but I had to disagree. I like the feeling of being lost, ogling at buildings, statues and signs, asking for directions and generally not feeling in control of my environment. It's nice to step out of the comfort zone now and then, especially with a few good mates.

Unfortunately, the long weekend wasn't as nice for everyone. During this time, a major storm hit central and northern NSW (New South Wales for the un-Australian) and caused serious havoc including floods, road collapses, a ship running ashore (it's still there), and 8 deaths. Ironically the areas hit by this storm are amongst those which have been hit hardest by the recent droughts. All we need now (the farmers in particular) is a plague of locust and 2007 can go down as a biblical year. Vote 1 Moses.....

There's been plenty else going on - people quitting work left, right and centre, opening up job positions I may be interested in, bonus payouts, car troubles, stomach problems, family issues. All the stuff which keep things interesting and remind you that life does go on.

I'll leave you with this from ABC's The Chaser's War On Everything... I love stupid people....




Songs played while writing this entry:
"My Baby" Cold Chisel
"Funky Sound" AK1200
"That Aint Bad" Ratcat
"Thunderstruck" AC/DC
"Morphist" Drone
"Beyond the Edge" Human Resource
"Groove la 'chord: Art of Vengeance
"The Sound of the Big Babou" Laurent Garnier
"Emulator" Rotortype

Down Time

I'm having a down period at the moment. For as long as I can remember I've had these down times - times where I just want to shrink into a corner and not be seen or heard. Times where I see no positives in my life or the world around me. Times where I just want to be left alone because I see no value in my existence.

My body feels like a prison, I ache to my very bones. My shoulders sag and my head feels too heavy to remain upright. My brain pounds behind my eyes, making them feel too big for the sockets which contain them. My legs and arms feel like weights, requiring great effort to lift them or to walk. All this (coupled with the cold weather) makes it almost impossible to get out of bed each morning to face yet another fuckin day of the same routine - piss, shower, dress, drink, contact lenses, teeth, hair, shoes, walk, bus, work, lunch, work, bus, walk, dinner, contact lenses, teeth, bed.

I loose all interest in what is going on. I have no interests to keep me occupied. Sure, there are things that interest me for a short time, but nothing that holds my interest long enough to become a passion. Even my friends and family don't interest me when I'm like this - and they don't understand. I go quiet, quieter than normal, and they ask "what's wrong?" to which I reply "just not feeling too well". I don't know how to explain to them that I'm just waiting to die, that I pray to God every night to just let me die in my sleep and not have to face another day like this.

He hasn't answered my prayers yet - perhaps my faith is reciprocated.

I'll be back to normal soon.


Songs played while writing this entry:
"Zebra" John Butler Trio
"Sunday Bloody Sunday" U2
"Aint Armand" Armand Van Helden
"The First Cool Hive" Moby
"Patience" Guns N Roses
"Breakfast At Sweethearts" Cold Chisel